You Are Missing Out

A Note from Amy Boutan

Don't Miss Out

Many of us are familiar with the term “Fear of Missing Out”—that feeling when you realize meaningful, fun, or beautiful things are happening without you.

Well, I wanted to let you know… many of you are missing out.

A recent moment brought this full circle for our family. A dear couple from our church asked our daughter, Samantha, to babysit their sweet little boy. Their connection to her goes back many years—they’ve been like a “god-family” to her, filling a space in our lives where uninvolved aunts, uncles, and some biological relatives (who don’t share our faith) were absent. That gap has been filled so beautifully by the people in our church. Our daughter wasn’t just babysitting—she was loving on her “surrogate nephew.” And they, in turn, had long been like surrogate aunt and uncle to her.

People sometimes ask us how we have encouraged our kids to stay rooted in their faith into adulthood. We are incredibly grateful that both Zach and Samantha love Jesus and are still actively involved in His church. If I had to pinpoint why, I’d start with God’s grace because it’s always His grace. But also: years of prayer and fasting. Paul and I striving (imperfectly) to live out an authentic relationship with Jesus. Sending them to Camp Idrahaje. And just as importantly—being part of a church family filled with people who walked alongside them.

That’s what many people are missing. The beauty and blessing of real church community.

When our kids were little, we did “date night” swaps with church friends. The kids loved it—we all did! After church, they would head off to play games or catch crawdads at Reunion Pond. Many of those childhood friendships have lasted into adulthood—not just among the kids, but among the parents too. 

When each of our children turned 18, we celebrated with a special dinner surrounded by the people who had truly poured into their lives. Only a few biological relatives could attend—but the church family showed up in full force. For Samantha, that gathering included lifelong friends, their moms, and a beloved “bonus aunt” who had filled that role so graciously. 

During the teen years—when life gets complicated—our church became a soft place to land. Zach and Samantha found purpose and belonging in youth group: serving at the. food bank, leading worship, building deep friendships that extended beyond school. Zach and one of these childhood friends, eventually stood in each other’s wedding parties—a beautiful testament to the depth of their bond.

Throughout their journey, the church has given our kids surrogate aunts and uncles who invested deeply in their lives. Women who stayed up late talking with Samantha. Men on the security team who encouraged Zach during tough seasons and modeled godly manhood. He craved their respect—and he received it.

These are just a few of the many meaningful relationships we’ve experienced. And our lives are richer because of them.

I share this to encourage you: this kind of church life is available to you, too. 

Since COVID, many have returned to the building—but not necessarily to community. Too many remain emotionally distant. Yes, people are friendly on Sunday mornings, but true connection doesn’t end there. If you're keeping your distance, you—and your children are missing out. Your teens are missing out. Your young adults are missing out.

There are so many simple ways to build real relationships:

      • Come to church family dinners—let the kids play while you chat with other parents.

      • While waiting after youth group, introduce yourself. Exchange numbers.

      • Don’t rush out after service—stay for “Just Lunch” or talk with the people near you.

      • Sign up for a movie night. Make a meal for a new mom or a grieving family.

      • Volunteer for VBS. Join a Bible study. Say yes to serving on a team. Join discipleship group.

     • Don’t be your own small group. Open your heart—and your home.

Now that our children are grown, we are deeply thankful for the friendships we have built in church—people we do life with, share meals with, travel with. Many of these friendships began when our kids were small, but today we continue to reap the blessing of them. And now, in this season beyond active parenting, we are discovering the deep joy of adult friendships—built not only around our children, but on a shared love for Jesus.

One of the greatest gifts from the Lord? A true church family. But like any family, it requires commitment. A willingness to connect. And a whole lot of forgiveness.

This summer is a great time to take a step toward deeper connection. Whether it’s joining us for a church meal, serving at VBS, coming to a movie night, or simply staying after service to talk, there are so many natural ways to grow in community. However He leads you, we hope you’ll say yes to being part of it.